Understandingly Mistaken
by Golden evolution
Summary: This story is about a boy who talks about his life so that one day he will be a popular and rich person.
1. Chapter 1

I wish I'd started keeping a journal a lot earlier on, because whoever ends up writing my biography is gonna have a lot of questions about my life leading up to middle school.

Luckily I just remember about everything thats happened to me since I was born. In fact, I can even remember stuff that happened to me before I was born.

Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing backflips and taking naps whenever I wanted.

Then one day i was in the middle of this really good nap, I got woken up by these strange noises coming from the outside.

At the time I didn't know what the heck I was hearing, but later on I found out it was mum piping in music through these speakers she put on her belly.

I guess mom thought if she played classical music for me everyday before I was born, it would turn me into some kind of genius.

Those speakers came with a microphone, and when mom wasn't playing music, she was telling everything that was going on in her life,

And then when dad came home from work, mum would have him give me a blow-by -blow of HIS day.

But that wasn't the end of it.

Every night, mom would read to me for a half hour before she went to bed.

The problem is, my sleep schedule didn't line up with mom's. So when she was sleeping, I'd be wide awake.

I actually wish I'd paid more attention when mom was reading to me, though.

Last week in school we had a pop quiz on a book, and I hadn't read it yet.

I was pretty sure mom read that one to me before I was born, but I couldn't remember any of the details.

I guess the week mom was reading that book, I was busy doing something else.

The crazy thing is, mom didn't NEED to use the microphone for me to hear her.

I mean, I was inside of her, so I could hear every word she said whether I wanted to or not.

I could also hear just about EVERYTHING that was happening on the outside.

So when mom and dad got all mushy, I had to listen to THAT too.

I've never really felt comfortable when people are acting affectionate around me, ESPECIALLY when it's my parents.

I tried to get them to stop, but they never got the message.


	2. Chapter 2

In fact, everything I tried just seemed to make things WORSE.

After a few months of living like this, I had to get out of there, and that's why I was born 3 weeks early. But after being hit by the cold air and the blinding lights of the delivery room, I wish I'd just stayed put.

By the time I came into the world, I was totally sleep deprived and in a really lousy mood. So if you ever see a picture of a newborn, now you know why they always look ticked off. In fact, I STILL haven't caught up on the sleep i missed, and believe me, I've been trying.

Ever since I was born, I've tried to re-create the feeling I had way back when I was floating around in the dark, happy as could be.

But when your living in a house with four other people, some fool is gonna come along and ruin things for you.

I met my older brother, Jack, a few days after i was born.

Up to that point I thought I was an only child, so I was pretty disappointed to find out i wasn't.

My family was living in a really small apartment back then, and I had to share a room with Jack.

He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.

Eventually, dad moved his work stuff out of the room he was using as an office and made it into a nursery.

I got Jack's old crib, and he got a new bed.

Almost EVERYTHING I had back in those days was a hand-me-down from Jack.

So by the time something came to me, it was either worn-out or covered in slobber.

Even my DUMMY was a hand-me-down from Jack.

I don't think he was ready to give it up, though, which might explain why he's never really liked me.

It was just the four of us for a long time, and then one day mom told me she was gonna have another baby.

I was glad when she gave me the heads-up so I could be ready.

When my little brother, Nick, came along, everybody thought he was so cute.

But what they don't tell you about babies is that after there born, they have this black stub on their belly button where the umbilical cord was tied off.

Eventually, the stub dries up and falls off, and the baby has a regular looking belly button.

The thing is, nobody ever FOUND Nick's stub, and to this day I'm still paranoid it's gonna show up somewhere.


	3. Chapter 3

When I was a newborn, mom put me in front of the TV for an hour a day to watch educational videos.

I don't know if those videos actually made me any smarter, but at least I was smart enough to figure out how to put on something I WANTED to watch.

I ALSO figured out how to remove the batteries from the remote so no one could turn the educational videos back ON.

But when your a baby, you can't really get around a lot, so there was only one place I could hide the batteries.

I think mom should have let me crawl around on the floor more when I was little, because I was WAY behind the other kids in my playgroup when it came to physical stuff.

While the others were sitting up and couch surfing, I was still working on lifting my head off the ground.

Then one day mom brought me this thing called a Baby Adventures Action Walker, which was the first thing I ever got that Jack didn't have before me.

The Action Walker was AWESOME.

It had a million little gadgets you could entertain yourself with, plus a cup holder.

But the best thing about it was i could get anywhere i needed to go without actually having to WALK.

I could tell that when I was in my Baby's Adventures Action Walker, all my little playgroup friends felt like chumps.

But then mom read in some parenting magazine that it wasn't a good idea to use baby walkers, because kids wouldn't develop the right muscles to walk on their own.

So mom returned the Action Walker to the store, and I was back to square one.

It took a long time, but eventually I DID learn to walk, and before I knew it, I was in preschool.

I was hoping I'd have a head start over the other kids because of all the work mom had put in with the classical music and the educational DVDs, but the other moms must've done that stuff, too, because the competition in preschool was pretty stiff.

I mean, you had kids in there who knew how to use buttons and zippers, when I could barely figure out how to pull off my gloves without help from a grown-up.

A few of my classmates could write their own names, and one or two could count all the way to fifty.

I knew I couldn't keep up, so I decided to try and slow everyone else down by feeding them bad information.

My plan kind of backfired, though, and my preschool teacher told mom i wasn't learning my colours and shapes like the other kids.

But mom said i was smart and that maybe the problem was i wasn't being CHALLENGED enough.


End file.
